Why My Community Needs Positive Images.

Written By: Tamara L. Floyd

Join Lamar and Ronnie Tyler, Directors and Producers of You Save Me, at this community event hosted in Houston, TX at the Fountain of Praise (South Post Oak Campus) on July 30, 2010. See information below.


Why My Community Needs Positive Images

I decided to make this piece personal because it’s very dear to my heart. I understand that it is a rarity to be reared in a two parent home in this day and time, but I’m very humbled to say that I was. My parents, Anthony and Gwendolyn Roy, have been married for 27 years in September. I cannot begin to express what a gift this is for me as a young, successful African American woman. I had the opportunity to grow up in a home with the “Huxtable” nuclear family system. I can say I have lived the true American dream, and for this reason I am more than optimistic about the state of African American families. I credit my parents with providing me the tools to succeed in my own marriage of almost five years. I grew up with role models of a healthy marriage. Again I’m fully aware this is untrue for many.

Statistically, African Americans are not getting married and if they are marrying they certainly are not staying that way. We’ve all seen the stories on primetime news. These stories that ponder “Why Successful Black Women Cannot Get a Man” are more than disheartening. Our community needs and desires positive images that counter many peoples’ reality as well as the negativity in today’s media. Couple Lamar and Ronnie Tyler of Tyler New Media have answered the call.

Lamar and Ronnie Tyler are Essence.com bloggers and co-creators of the largest independent site on the web that specifically deals with marriage and parenting in the black community, called Black and Married With Kids.com(BMWK). Their first film, Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, is an Amazon.com bestselling documentary set to challenge negative stereotypes surrounding marriage and parenting in the black community.

Their second film, You Saved Me, highlights the beauty of African American marriages in a time where marriage numbers are at an all time low and African American divorce numbers are conversely at an all time high. Hope of positive, lasting, relationships look bleak until now. This film gives real couples an opportunity to explain how their marriages had a direct impact on their lives, featuring candid and transparent looks inside the hardships, trials, and ultimate success stories of these amazing couples. YOU SAVED ME offers an unprecedented look inside real relationships and what is required to sustain them. Houston.

Event Information


© 2010, Tamara L. Floyd. All rights reserved. Contact tamara@tamarafloyd.com for permissions to use/reprint any content.

Prayer for Clarity

Dear Lord,

My prayer today is for clarity of revelation. Remove the blinders from my eyes and the smoke clouds of my own selfish ambition so that I may see the light of your divine righteousness and unconditional love for me. May faith be my eyes as you prepare a table before me. Thank you for everyone of my enemies that only serve as footstools for my next level of greatness. In Jesus’s name. Amen.

© 2010, Tamara L. Floyd. All rights reserved. Contact tamara@tamarafloyd.com for permissions to use/reprint any content.

My Marriage Was Arranged

Prayer 001 I have an arranged marriage… I know it sounds crazy but recently I realized I have an arranged marriage. And to be perfectly honest with you; I’m REAL cool with that. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Let me tell you why. I believe it all started when my husband told “I feel like your reintroducing yourself to me everyday”. Again this sounds crazy but truly my walk with God is an ever changing one. Not because God himself is changing in my life. No…because God is the only consistent thing in my life but daily I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind in Christ. Daily I am learning something new about myself and submitting my whole heart to be perfected in Jesus. I’m really not trying to toot my own horn because if this furnace process along with my marriage has not taught me anything it has taught me that God’s grace is sufficient in my inadequacies. *Praise Break* Daily I am submitting my mind, my heart/emotions and soul to my heavenly Father. I’m only glad that someone on the outside looking in can see that. On another note, I’m so blessed to have a husband that can see me and discern the great work of God in me. *Praise Break*

Back to my original point, my marriage was arranged. I’m so glad too! There is no way that I, myself could have ever chosen a life partner six years ago. My husband and I met when I was 18 and married when I was 20 and he 23. Can you imagine the shenanigans I was getting into prior to my marriage? What about the shenanigans you were getting into at the age of twenty? This year my husband and I will be married for five years. Nobody but God! God has exhibited his character of unconditional love and again I say grace through my husband. I’m not the best wife by any means but I’m loved flaws and all. He joins me on everyone of my emotional roller coasters. During the time we were dating I knew he was the one for me at that present time but never did I consider the future. No living thing remains the same. Through living and growing together we have trusted God with our covenant and giving him permission to bless it. God knew where I was then and saw me in the future & blessed my husband with a special anointing to partner with me in journeying to our joint and individual purposes. There were times because of fear or my own self-ambition that I have tried to forfeit this blessing of God, my marriage, prior to the ceremony and after the ceremony but the God in him fought for the union. We as an united force have stood firmly on what is considered a more tangible gift from God at various times to rebuke the powers that come to steal, kill and destroy. But there were times that we succumb to our own wills versus the will of the Father but thankfully God is merciful and has given His children the ministry of reconciliation.

My marriage was arranged by my Father in heaven who knew me and what I needed not only at the time of my husband’s & my first meeting but presently and I have faith that God will continue to meet my triune needs in the future through my marriage.

Romans 12:2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

2 Corinthians 12:9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2Corinthians 5:18 Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation,

© 2010, Tamara L. Floyd. All rights reserved. Contact tamara@tamarafloyd.com for permissions to use/reprint any content.

Daughter of Yahweh

as beautiful as her God-given crown

fearfully fashioned stitch by stitch

by the King himself

with authority to rule

asking and receiving each request

not a diva but truly divine

more than entitled to the throne

confident in her excellence

uncondemned by past mistake

vision of careful perfecting

speaker and carrier of new life

poise beyond words

enriched by divinity

possessing the trinity

created in their image

she is phenomenal

in stature and character

untouched by others opinions

hers is the only that matters

anointed, blessed and favored

holding the heart of the King

ruling in all the Earth

commanding His hand

He shines upon her

like a tree of righteousness

light to her path

a lady and her Lord

a heavenly match.

© 2010, Tamara L. Floyd. All rights reserved. Contact tamara@tamarafloyd.com for permissions to use/reprint any content.

Beauty for Ashes


x2_13b4fda Today, I had my first speaking engagement.  I was the keynote speaker at a mother/daughter brunch.  I prayed and consecrated for the word that I would present to the beautiful women of this sorority chapter.  The word I was given was “Beauty for Ashes”.  When I arrived I felt some welcome and honored for the opportunity to present the keynote as well as to represent Inspire Women. (Read More about “My Mission to Inspire Women”) I’m beyond thankful for the opportunity. 

I had the pleasure to meet a seventeen year old high school who was also on the program to perform a spoken word piece.  “Beauty is the eye of the behold” she recited.  Her poem was confirmation that God had truly given the topic of my keynote.  The message was inline with the whole program.  It was evident prior to the poet’s introduction of her nervousness.  Even through nerves it was clear that this young lady was talented.   After her poem, I made sure to give her a pat on the back.  I know that if she continues to speak her God-given words with boldness her gift will make room for her.  If your reading this be encouraged J’Nay.

One of the hardest things is to give a woman a compliment. Why? Because most women don’t receive the compliment.  Especially if its coming from a stranger the first thought is “what do you want?”. But doesn’t it feel good to receive a compliment? For someone to sincerely affirm you as a person or to express admiration of your gifts, talents, character and/or personal style.

All women regardless of age, ethnicity and etc. have a common need for affirmation.  What is affirmation? To state or assert positively, to affirm, maintain as true, confirmation, to uphold, support.

To give beauty for ashes

In a very common passage of scripture, Isaiah 61:3 the anointed of God are commanded to give “beauty for ashes”. In the Hebrew, the word rendered ‘beauty’ means properly a head-dress, turban, tiara, or diadem; and the idea is, that the God would impart to his mourning people such an ornament instead of the ashes which in their grief they were accustomed to easy on their heads.” The ashes upon the head is an expression of grief.

Why beauty for ashes?

We are all walking around with dead things. They were killed with a negative comments. Someone told your lips were too big, you’re too skinny.  I remember a family member of mine would always tell me I had big legs.  I know I’m not the smallest person in the world but I’m also not the biggest.  But for many years I did not like to wear shorts or skirts which is almost insane in Houston, TX. I was very self conscious of my legs in public.  This one statement killed something in my that made me no longer confident in my own skin but I developed a complex about my legs.  What has someone said to make you feel that same way? What negative comment has killed something in you?

Beauty for Ashes

Allow God to give you beauty for ashes.  Allow God to affirm you to positively assert you the unique creation that He fashioned in His very image. Then you can walk in forgiveness that you no longer harbor any resentment in turn walk in confidence so you can affirm your mother, daughter, sister, cousin, friend and/or cohort. 

Maybe your mourning the death of a dream.  You shared a dream with a friend or family member and they just killed it.  You were told you can’t do that or you’ll never be that.  What if President Obama believe that he would never be the President of the United State? Do you think you would be the President.  What dreams have died due to someone’s negativity? 

Give yourself beauty for ashes by being aware of what your sowing into your spirit.  I’m a fan of Melanie Fiona’s latest single but the lectures reads

I gotta be out my mind to think it’s gonna work this time
A part of me wants to leave, but the other side still believes
And it kills me to know how much I really love you”. 

When you really take a look at the words do you want a love that kill you or speak life into you?

Women as carriers of new life must be the ones to give life, to sow a seed of life, to speak life into people.  How do you give beauty for ashes?

Proverbs 18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death,
       and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Speak life into your mom, sister and daughter by affirming her.  Give her words that assert positively, maintain as true, provide confirmation, uphold and support.  Give beauty for ashes.

© 2010, Tamara L. Floyd. All rights reserved. Contact tamara@tamarafloyd.com for permissions to use/reprint any content.